Then and Now
by colby2517
Summary: A brief chronological timeline of Myka's feelings and emotions towards Helena during their final moments. **Spoiler Alert: Season 3 Finale***


**Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to Warehouse 13 or any of it's affiliates.**

**They were in Wyoming.**

Myka didn't understand at first why HG didn't remember her. She thought for sure the other woman would immediately recognize her. It wasn't until she learned about the Janus Coin that Myka really understood.

What bothered her the most was how much it hurt when HG didn't know who she was. Myka's heart fell into the pit of her stomach as she expected HG to smile that wicked smile and be her witty self. When she didn't so much as blink in Myka's direction, the pang of confusion and disbelief clouded her mind.

She wasn't even sure exactly why it hurt. She only knew that it did.

**They were in the forest.**

When Pete pulled off the road and produced the coin, Myka knew something was wrong. Then Pete suggested destroying it; the only thing that remained of the true HG. His explanation of "killing" HG's consciousness was a blur in her mind. Myka knew only that she couldn't lose HG like this. Not like some quickly thrown together escape plan.

When HG supported Pete's decision, Myka's heart started to hurt. She would not stand for the destruction of such a great mind, of such an exceptional individual. The price was indeed too high and she couldn't let it happen. HG started to say her goodbye's and when she got to Myka, the look in the other woman's eyes made the pain all that more real. She really did wish she knew how to say goodbye to the one person who knew her better than anyone else.

She had to walk away because the pain in her heart increased with every step.

**They were in Hong Kong**.

Myka was strapped into a chair that Sykes and HG called a "lock" of some sort. HG held a gun at Pete and called for Myka to move a piece on the chess board. Myka's heart stopped in the briefest of moments when the blade clicked, but it was the gasp from HG that stilled Myka's heart.

When HG panicked about which move to make, Myka had to calm her down. She looked her in the eye and said that Helena would save her life. It reminded Myka of that one time in Yellowstone, when Helena held a gun to Myka's head. In that moment Myka dared the other woman to look her in the eye and take her life. She didn't. It was now in this moment that she dared Helena to save her life. She did.

As the barrier closed, leaving herself and Helena trapped, Myka took the time to _look _at the other woman. It dawned on her that she could touch Helena now. Instead, she started to pick up the scattered chess pieces. Despite their predicament, her heart swelled with pride knowing that Helena was on her side, she was the good guy, just like Myka had known all along.

She was so proud and happy, wishing she could bottle that moment and keep it in her heart.

**They were in the Warehouse**.

When Myka turned back to save Helena from the rope and Myka was caught up in it was well. She didn't panic, not really. She knew that if these were her last moments, they would be spent with someone she cared about.

It was when Myka struggled to find a way to disarm the bomb that she realized time was running out. She began to say her goodbye's to Pete and Artie, saving Helena for last. When a force field appeared around her she searched for Helena and she saw her; standing _outside_.

As the bomb ticked away, Myka found Helena's eyes. Myka wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull Helena close to her. When Helena mouthed a vague "thank you", Myka wanted to mouth back, "no...thank _you"_ but she was too angry. Then she realized that being angry wasn't what she wanted her last feelings towards Helena to be.

When Helena said she smelled apples, Myka lost it inside. She bowed her head, in sadness, disappointment, regret. She still couldn't bare to watch the destruction of such a beautiful person. She never got to tell the other woman that she loved her. She watched the Warehouse as it burned down to nothing but ash.

It was when the force field dropped and Myka stared at the spot on the floor where Helena had last stood, that she felt a hole in her heart. The tears began to flow and she didn't want to stop them.

She felt betrayed by fate and by life.

**She was at the B&B.**

When Myka ran her fingers over the cover of her favorite book, _The Time Machine_, her mind drifted to the author. Helena had been the one thing Myka never allowed herself to have. Everything had happened so fast. She thought she had time to tell Helena how she really felt.

It was now that Myka wished she had her own time machine. She would go back and, even if she couldn't save Helena, she would at least tell the other woman how much she loved her. The unfairness of life was like a cold knife slicing through everything Myka believed in. She lost the greatest thing she never really knew she had.

She closed her eyes and drifted off to a world where she was happy. A world that revolved around Helena.


End file.
